Man, I don't even know why I'm using FA as a place to vent.

Just want a place to vent. It's depression night; the time where I lay back in bed and regret things. Life choices, bad things I've done. I blow through friends like they're nothing, I'm lucky my circle has lasted as long as it has. I'm rude and obnoxious. And the worst thing is that I know this, I try to fix it, but I just... forget and let it repeat. I wish I hadn't fucked certain things up, making me avoid my main accounts. Instead of trying to set things straight, I act like a coward.

I've had months of therapy, psychiatry; yet I don't feel like anything's changed. I want to be a better person. I have to be a better person. I have a group of friends who are supporting me along the way; real nice, real good friends who I'm lucky to have. Friends who I've been honest with, friends who know my issues and the things I've done, mistakes I've made. Very much so. Yet I feel like nothing's changing. I don't feel like I'm improving.

There's a few people on here that I want to say sorry to. Desperately. Make amends. But life doesn't work that way. Especially after you fucked up multiple times. To approach them again, after months, almost a year; is it worth it? Will they consider your apology even if they have no reason to believe it? Or will you just be reminded of the person you once was, and will be?

I don't know. Is this attention seeking? Probably. Just hoping someone's out there, listening.