May 12th, 1999:
10:49 PM

As Chaos looked at the stars, his mind tried to make sense of his current situation. Am I human, or a gargoyle? Or perhaps neither, and both? I wish I could tell since the line has blurred. And it feels like I'm adrift between both of these worlds; old, and new. But which one do I truly belong to?

With every passing night, I feel myself drifting closer, and closer to the gargoyle one. I wasn't even aware of their world until over a year ago when I got changed into one during that fateful night. And then crash landed in their laps a few nights later. One has to admit that it was sheer luck that they saw what happened, and took me into their clan even though they didn't have to.

Chaos closed his eyes, and slowly let out a deep breath. After opening his eyes, he studied his hand for several long seconds. Since then, they have been helping me learn about my new form; gliding, landing, and how to fight. Plus help me come to grips with my new state, new instincts, and heightened senses.

Weird as it might be, I feel more alive now than when I was still human. The sights, and smells seem sharper, and move vibrant. The caressing touch of the wind filling my wings still feels amazing, and completely natural. And while gliding around, I get this sense of freedom that I find uplifting.

This earn a snort, and a rueful grin from him even though nobody else was around. Yeah, that was a lame pun, but what can I say? It's true. Granted I didn't know what I was doing at first. I had this desire, or one could even say an instinctual drive to learn how to use my wings. And at the same time, I was even jumping off of roof tops, and opening my wings without thinking about it at all. Rather crazy when you get down to it. But over time, it became as natural as breathing.

A deep sigh escaped as he turned to look at the moon. The green gargoyle tried to organize his thoughts as a gust of wind rustled his wings. I probably should have put some thought into it before embarking on those lessons, but I was a bit too curious for my own good. And maybe a little too headstrong, and stubborn as well because of Gadget. Despite the tension between us, I came to enjoy gliding.

Speaking of her, I think the initial friction between us has largely subsided. As to the tension, well, it has started to change from being about my past into something I can't make heads or tails of. I'm not sure how to describe it either. It feels like we're dancing around the issue if we want to become friends or not even with our lingering animosity. But, I can sense a growing attraction between us that has muddled things in regards to where we stand.

Or is it due to us wanting to be more than friends? During the last few months or so, it seems that we have been slowly drifting closer to each despite our attempts to keep each other at arms length. Given the mounting evidence of us seeking out each others company, dancing together, nuzzling, and a slew of other things, it is getting harder to deny the fact that things are heating up between us.

She's not much of a girl – hell, she's not like any girl I've ever dealt with before. Chaos grimaced at the thought. Deep down he knew he shouldn't think that way, but it was hard not to do so at times. It was time to let go, but part of him recoiled at the notion at developing a relationship with her. And yet, he felt drawn to Gadget, and he didn't know why.

Is it because of her looks? I mean, her coloration, long brown hair, and her beak like mouth – and what a good looking beak it is! – make her all the more alluring than any other girl I've met. Surely there is more to it than that. There is also that crazy smell that I've come to associate with her. I would be lying if I didn't admit that it leads me to her. It drives me nuts while getting me in trouble. Talk about frustrating!

When I get hit by a strong whiff of it, I can feel my blood run hotter as my heart beats faster. Plus at times, it leaves me feeling hungry in a way that no food can satisfy. Almost like I'm starving for her company, and affection. To top it off, she makes me feel amazing. More so when she cocks her head and smiles.

Underneath her almost rough exterior, I can sense that she has this softer, cheerful, if not playful nature that's coming out more and more we're around each other. Almost like, uh, what was that phrase? Oh, yeah, a diamond in the rough. As a result, a growing part of me wants to chase after her. And in turn, be chased by her to see where things go.

I can no longer deny that part of me wants to be friends with her despite our differences. That's not quite right, is it? Chaos closed his eyes as he contemplated the question at hand. He took in, and slowly let out a deep breath before he opened his eyes. It sank in that he was starting to care about Gadget in more ways than one.

For the first time, here's a girl I want to get to know on a deeply personal level. One that I want to explore things with. And maybe at point, even start getting intimate with her. But I still can't fully tell if what I'm thinking, and feeling is genuine. Or is it hormones, and lust? I just can't tell one way or the other, but I can't disregard a growing fondness for her.

I would have to be lying if I didn't feel terrified, and thrilled at the prospect of us falling in love. And I admittedly don't have a clue about what to do next.

Maybe it is time to finally let go of my past, and see where the future takes me. And allow my human and gargoyle natures to merge, and admit that I truly am a gargoyle. To live my own life, dreams, and to experience happiness.

The time has come to write a new chapter in my life. One involving Gadget. Not only her, but accepting that his is my family, and my clan. And that I am finally home.

Chaos stretched as he stood up. Spreading his wings after diving off of the roof, he rode the air currents as he headed back to the clan's place. He hoped that after getting back, he could finally settle the turmoil in his head. One way, or another, it had to end tonight.