So this journal's meant to serve as an outline for the plan moving forward this year, as well as a bit of a reflection on this past year. So before I look forward, I suppose it's worth taking a look at the last two years as a whole?

Reflections of the last two-ish years...

Overall, these last two years sucked. I've been angry, sometimes reasonably so, most of the time unreasonably so. To say that I hated myself, where I was, what I was doing, and just everything in general would be an understatement. Alcohol was a comfort, at least, though I was super careful not to indulge in it for a few reasons... but the reasons for this anger were legitimate, but stupid. Part of it used to be because I was doing full time schooling for my senior year of university in addition to working full time. I finally graduated and the stress was lifted, so the anger turned internally for A: taking nearly seven years to complete my undergrad degree, and B: seemingly doing nothing with my time once I graduated, from being so used to constantly under duress. Reasonable and unreasonable, like I said. But I did it, I finally graduated with my bachelor's in chemistry, got promoted at work, and now am a project lead for the lab I work at.

Beyond schooling, though, there's been additional frustrations that have eaten at me and made me less than sociable. Finances have been ok, but with student loans coming due now it's really taken a hit to my aspirations of buying a house and getting a more reliable car, but there's a silver lining to that at least. I'm almost done paying off ~50% of my loans, and am at the point where I can restructure in the near future, allowing me to save up for a house down payment. Plus, housing in DE/MD/PA is dirt cheap. The excitement an impatience is still difficult to deal with though (even though I've been waiting almost six years already for it).

The last thing I've known that's needed work is my personal skills. Last time I even came close to dating was when I lived in Philly some 3 years ago, and even then I was emotionally inept from just being burnt out all the time. Now I've been free from the stresses for the better part of 8-9 months now, it's really settling in just how isolated I made myself the last few years, despite being so talkative and friendly, etc. I'm not so angry at that, just disappointed that I didn't work on it previously. I know part of this also stemmed from just how little self-esteem I've got, and there's a few ways I've planned on fixing this.

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So how do I plan to move forward?

Well, I've got an entire laundry list of things that I would like to accomplish in the coming year. Some will be directly influenced by myself, and others will require a bit of patience and luck, and more as long-term goals. In general, they're as follows:

1. Finish my story backlog
2. Do more voice-acting submissions
3. Go to the gym to improve overall health
4. Save up for a house payment
5. Pay off significant portions of student loan debt.
6. Work on drawing
7. Suit more and be more active in the community
8. Work on personal skills and perhaps begin dating again?

This sounds like quite the laundry list of tasks, and a few of them are quite lofty. Student loan debt, saving for a house downpayment, dating and being more active are all highly dependent on what life's got to throw at me, so these are things that I'd simply like to begin working on in the next year or so. However, for the others, they're much more readily obtainable.

The artistic endeavors - Stories, Vocal work, and Drawing - I can work on myself in my free time. The main issue is getting the motivation together to actually work on those things with how burnt out work leaves me feeling constantly. That being said, I'd need some help for getting things together and actually focusing on them - or at least some help to find methods for doing so. I was considering doing a stream of writing commissions and my drawing practice as a way to keep me motivated. Perhaps having an audience to chat with while I work would make it easier to stay focused on what I'm doing? Beyond things like that, how do you guys typically stay focused?

For the gym-going, I've got a plan for that. I've got a group of friends who've set a schedule to go 3-4 times a week, and focusing on a different set of things every other day. So, cardio days, I'll die, and on lower body strength training days, they'll be dying. It's win-win-everyone hates upper body day. Ultimately, the goal is to drop about 30kg by the end of the year next year. more would be wonderful, but I don't want to push it too fast. I'm not horribly out of shape now, but just unhappy with where I'm at, and I hope having some friends to go with me will help make it less daunting.

That's the gist of where I want to be next year. Most of the motivation is still driven by that initial frustration and anger. But I think there's more to it than spite. I think having had the last few months to just kinda seethe over it has made me appreciate just what I've got now and what I can do to improve. Now it's just a matter of doing it.

How about you? How was your last year? How do you hope this next year will go? Any suggestions for me? Thanks for reading, and hopefully your New Year's safe and happy as well!

~Wisty