I lay my backpack down on the curb across the street from my old school and sigh softly. It’s a cool night outside, so I take off my shoes to feel the pavement with my bare paws. They’re sore from all the walking I had to do to get back to here. There is music going on inside for a dance. It’s the melody of some slow song, but I can’t name it. It doesn’t even matter what the song is anyways, because this is another dance that I can’t go to. All thanks to the choices I’ve made in my life. The choices that were so terribly hard to make, and that changed my life forever.
A shudder passes through me as I sit down on the curb, my tail brushing the grass behind me, already covered with a light dew. Glancing up at the bright stars above, I remember back when I had asked my mom to teach me about them. She never had time to, and now she never would. Were the choices I made worth missing things like this? Things with my parents… and my classmates? All I know is that if I had the chance to change my ways, I wouldn’t choose anything different. No matter what I’ve lost, no matter what I may have missed, he was worth every bit… at least while I had him.
My Parents had told me from the very beginning that he would never make me happy. “He’s a wolf and you’re only a German shepherd. He’ll use your loyalty against you and then leave you once he’s gotten what he wants. Wolves are very cunning creatures and we have to prepare you against them”. They said that he would never stand up for me and that he could never truly love. I refused to listen to them and gave him my heart anyways.
I rest my elbows on my knees. With him, my life had been perfect. We had never fought and we actually had love, which only made it worse when his day came. Since then I’ve been confused, wandering, and struggling to believe that he is gone. If only my parents could have prepared me for something like this to happen instead of trying to keep me from him. If only they could have accepted us and helped us, instead of pushing us away.
Trying to keep from crying, I cover my eyes with my paws. Then I think about all the things that could have been done to save him. My heart lurches at those thoughts. Why didn’t I do anything? I had seen the signs, and I could have stopped it all! I could still be in his arms… sleeping comfortably… saying that this is all just a bad dream, and waking up to him comforting me. A tear escapes and roles down my cheek because it’s too late for that now. This is no dream. This is the harsh and cruel thing called reality.
Stop
I struggle as I try to hold back more tears and open my backpack to look at what’s inside. My hand shakes as I shuffle through some things. There’s the card from him, the tickets from the movies we had seen, and a few other gifts from him. My hand stops when I see the seashell. He had given it to me a long time ago, back when depression was a major part of my life, because he knew that I loved seashells. He had told me that this one was magic, and that as long as it was with me, he would be by my side. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. He was sweet, but he was wrong about some things. He couldn’t be beside me even with the shell. No matter how much I wished for his company… the smell of his cologne, his strong arms holding me steady, and his smile… as carefree as a child.
Why! Why did he have to go? I grab my bag, shaking it, wanting to throw it and be rid of it forever. I just want to be able to move on with my life, but I can’t. He was everything to me, and now there is nothing left. I stand up and pace running my fingers through my hair as tears continue run down my cheeks, glinting as they catch the light of the stars before splattering on the cold, hard pavement. They’re just like my dreams, shattered and lost forever.
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