This... It is very hard to write about such things and even harder to come to terms with it. A number of years back I was in heavy depression, massive amounts of self doubt and just the fear that I was not even good enough to keep living but I never harmed myself nor others, save with my emotions and outbursts. Like many I tried to find release and fell into the arms of a cruel individual who I thought to call master for some time.
It was fun, kept my mind of dark thoughts and gave me a purpose. My boyfriend was hesitant but saw that it was helping somewhat and did his best to support me. I told this individual my problems and he seemed to care, to try and understand me but I look back and see that it was just a way to manipulate me when the time eventually came.

About four months into the relationship I was growing bored, the man demanded more of my time and even wanted money, some form of financial domination. It sparked an odd interest in me. He abused that, demanding more and more money like I was an open bank account, saying if I didn't pay he would leave and it would be my fault. As my ADHD kicked up I grew distracted, trying to RP or just chatting with others he would grow angry and even when I tried to explain he called me a whore and said to pay him for lost time. When I refused he told me to apologize or he would leave and when I refused that he said I was an idiot and didn't deserve my boyfriend.

Weeks past, I was to scared to tell my boyfriend since I really did blame myself and kept doubting myself and trying to figure out how I should apologize to my abuser. It was then I learned he had kept in contact with my boyfriend and was telling him how I chatted with others, lied that I would whore myself for money and not share it. Luckily for me my boyfriend knew better than to trust him and told him to leave.

Every so often he will pop up, be it in art or other characters on telegram or discord and call me out. To this day he still expects an apology and blames me for ADHD that ruined what was a perfectly good relationship.

I'm happy to have such a loving boyfriend, now fiancé and hope that one day I'll forget this man ever existed in my life while also hoping those that fall in with him understands that they are actually worth something. No one is trash, no one is less than others so please, love yourself.

I'm sorry for making this rather hard to read journal as it is just mainly for venting but thank you for reading it.