I don't know what's the point of this, with this account really.
It's gotten to the point where I keep this account just to follow my favorite artists and favoriting artwork by them, sadly I gotten block by so many without any details why, I unknowingly cause issues without and explaining makes me uneasy and personally sadden, I have to block them because of that, It's my own rule because I see blocking as a threat.

Most of the time, I commission artwork because I want to support artists, other times I saw how talented they are and I want to commissioned them for a project that I wanted them to do.

But I'm getting burnt out, I've been struggling financially with dealing with my personal trustee, who been asking about what I'm been paying who, telling them that I pay artists feels wrong and invasive, and they're telling me that I barely have much funds, even then I do get money on my own account but the real issue is that I'm jobless, I don't have much chances due to my own physical limitations namely my genetic disorder, scheuermann's disease, that's doesn't help me with lifting up objects or manual work, making me limited with the town's jobs right now.
Hopefully I get a job, but I'm hopeful that I can get out of this town too, where I'm living isn't a good place to live right now, with druggies breaking doors and windows here, scaring the shit out of me and personally making my life hell, my mental state hasn't been good for me either.

But I'm going off track, I want to say that I'm feeling off with a few experiences with a few problematics in-between, this ain't a callout post but if you dealt with artists that either ghosted you, e-begged to you, choose to completely harassed you and bring their friends to targeted harassment over a commissioned artwork with similar pose because that was my fault because I didn't communicate with the artist in question, but the action doesn't make them in the right and it's personally made me more afraid of this community.

So um yeah, that's what I'm dealing with now, Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Autism and possibly ADHD (I DO NOT Blame these for my issues, it's hard to even socialized with others with that but I get though it and live with it, without them I wouldn't have ideas and dreams) Scheuermann's disease, Exploding head syndrome, possible Sleep apnea that needs treatment sooner because I'm afraid to go to sleep and die choking on my own air, personal life issues with my family and strangers having high life expectations about me being Independent despite me living in my own apartment in a bad neighborhood, and with the passing of my own mother I've been experiencing the hell a lot of grief in my life, to the point of suicidal hysteria and Intrusive thoughts.


If you read all of this, thank you with dealing with my tangent writing.
I'm deeply sorry for my behalf, if you got anything to say then please do in the comment section.