<Sorry, this is just me venting.>

Things are just not good... Ugh... I really want to be more positive with my journal posts or remain more active online. I'm just ashamed of my output as of late while wondering if people find interest in what i do. It's just like things never seem to take off or I convince myself they can never.

Normally, I teach classes in colleges to sustain myself. My average tends to be 3 classes per term, and even started teaching in other colleges. However, by sheer inexperience (recently the person in charge of assigning teacher's workload quit and her replacement made some... mistakes that left me out of the two usual classes i teach, something that might even screw me up further down the timeline if the worst case scenario were to happen) and bad luck (classes in the other college didn't get the required number of students) that left me with just 1.

It's just... It shows me how volatile things are with what I do and I can't really tell what'll happen in the future. Since teaching wasn't supposed to be a long term solution.

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So, where's the production?

First of all. I want to say sorry. I've been posting about once every 2 weeks as opposed to the usual once per week. There are multiple reasons for this:

- First is the matter of mood: the idea that things can't amount to anything combined with the pressing need for money (colleges are closed on january and february, and i wasn't given summer classes) just makes me second guess as to what to pour my effort in...

- Which leads me to my second issue. What to do? Because of the pressure i keep on wondering what story should i work on. Be it more of the Monster continent, Half-breed Royal, the Returnate or a new idea that's buzzing in the back of my head. But then I wonder if it's even worthwhile. It's even starting to affect creative process where i wonder "what is best?"

- So I end up falling back in what could be considered busy work. I've been writing stories for Whateley Academy for a while, though i've reached what appears to be a soft-stop as i wait for feedback that may or may not arrive...

- Another thing that has been consuming my time is that i began to edit old stories to make them into books. I have Just One Favor done, i think. And I was working on the 100 chapter extravaganza that is the Wolf and the Flower series and... oof. I mean, I love the story and how I took it into this epic tale, specially in the final arc... but the first chapters were harsh. Like, I was making things up on the go with a vague finale. So there were plenty of errors (not just grammatical), like mixing up Jensen's sisters or having a plotpoint lead nowhere. So i've been rereading and editing, which has taken some of my focus and energy (currently at 10% of the entire saga). So, i really appreciate those who stuck with that story to the end.

(Also hope to work on the sequel spinoff in the avalon or emerald chapters)

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So, what might this mean?

It means that i might have to try harder to find ways to make side money. Either bump up the production (art and writing) or try to take on more commissions. Try to take my patreon more seriously even if indecision is what has kept me from working.

Thing is... i don't really like having a paywall. It doesn't feel good to have pieces that aren't seen by everyone willing, so I try to compromise by having the patreon be 4 pieces ahead than other posts.

I've also been contemplating publishing stories... but i don't know if I can do all the steps on my own. For like 2 or so years I asked a friend to be my agent on that matter, but that went nowhere. So I can only do this on my own... which i can't

Do wonder if i should create a discord server to start a community. Though not sure if people would find it interesting, the same as the streams.