So here’s a question that’s been gnawing at me like an idle wolf gnaws a chewed-up bone they’re no longer emotionally invested in: Why the hell do I keep thinking about redesigning Shadwell?

For context, Shadwell is (was?) a panther character of mine—sleek, stylish, broody in that way 2007 thought was deep. He was fun. Had vibes. But now I find myself thinking about giving him a whole new look. Femboy chic. Something slinky. Cute thigh socks, loose crop top, maybe some sheer mesh and that cartoonishly floppy femboy dick that defies physics and common decency. You know. The works.

But then the wall hits: What’s the bloody point?

I don’t do anything with him. I don’t write stories about him—hell, I barely write fiction anyone reads anymore unless it's slapped into a TikTok voice filter and edited like someone’s holding a gun to the pacing. I don’t roleplay, not unless you count full-on TTRPGs like D&D, which at least involve dice and plot and actual participation beyond “hi, ASL?” in someone’s Discord basement.

And I used to, you know? There was a time when uploading a shiny new piece of art to FurAffinity actually meant something. You’d get comments. People would talk to you. You’d make friends. The art wasn’t just decorative; it was connective tissue.

Now? It's like screaming into a void that's already filled with Twitch stream reminders, adoptables with names like “KitsuDrakoDerp the $75 Plague Angel,” and a tsunami of YCH spam that makes the main page unusable unless you're actively trying to have a stroke.

So the idea of putting time and money into Shadwell’s glorious femboy rebirth hits this brutal snag of complete social inertia. There’s no traction. No platform. No real point. And what’s worse, even if the attention came? Half the community these days is just wall-to-wall red flags stitched together with cum. Creeps, weirdos, people who mistake “character design” for “sexual consent.” Why on earth would I want to open that door?

It makes me realize: the only characters I do get art of anymore are my D&D ones. And it’s because I’m actively using them. Telling stories. Playing in worlds. Getting attached. Their art feels earned, part of a broader narrative I’m building with other people who aren’t trying to “accidentally” ERP in a Telegram DM.

I guess what I’m saying is this: I still love the idea of Shadwell, love the aesthetic of femboy stylings and indulgent redesigns. But without anything to do with him, without a space that gives the art a sense of purpose beyond “it’s hot,” the whole exercise just feels hollow. Maybe that’s just where we’re at. Maybe character art doesn’t feel like a connection anymore—just a decoration for a wall nobody’s looking at.

Anyway, I still might do it. Just for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to bitch about the absurdity of it all on the way down.