A personal update about me! In my own space. Hello reader.
Just venting some thoughts rolling around in my head.

Long ago I decided that I was more comfortable lurking and not putting myself out there so much.

The reasoning was a bit abstract. I told myself I'm an introvert, that I'm more comfortable being less public. But at the base of it all it's probably just public anxiety and some feeling like I don't deserve to be noticed.
I know its something many people struggle with, not just me.

I HAVE and been comfortable so far, in my own small world of a few close-knit friends that I hold very very dear.
But honestly... of late I have been feeling a bit adrift and like this small life is not enough.

It's like I've been in slump I was not aware of. I've been trying to put words to it for a while, but only a recent shock to system seems to have shattered the mold and made things clearer.
And it's simple. I've put myself in a cage.

Let me talk about that and about  Forest-wolf

I've had friends pass away in the past. Minimikes loss hit me pretty hard when he passed some years ago.
There was an upbeat fellow that was always happy to relentlessly check up on me even when I was in a slump.
We weren't the bestest or closest of friends, but we talked on and off for over a decade and he was always sweet and looking for a connection. It was not until he was gone that I realized what I had missed. How a pillar I took for granted was suddenly gone. Those things we kept planning to do now lost.

I resolved to learn a lesson and be a bit more like him. I swore to never to let the time of someone who makes time for me or seeks to make a connection go waste.
Always try to keep the same positive attitude about life, try to give more energy then you take and never take anyone for granted, no matter how life was treating me.


I met Forest before this happened.
He hit me up with a message in a journal about technical help for Aweworld.
I knew who he was, I mean, who didn't. I've seen him around since he started out decades ago, I noticed when he disappeared from the scene for a awhile and was glad when he came back and rocketed up to new heights in art and community.
Many times over the years I had considered saying hello but never dared.

Now, upon invitation, I messaged him and he helped me through my coding hurdle. I knew he was a busy person and I didn't try to overstay my welcome more then needed. I wanted to respect his time.

Looking at the timings now, I think its when I started acting on my lessons from Minimikes passing that something clicked.
Brief interactions turned longer and he started to message me frequently. To my surprise I soon found myself with a new very good friend.

I understood how thin he was stretched though, with all the people and projects he had going on, and the job/family issues he'd sometimes let slip.
I only today realize the full extent of how truly much he put himself out there for others, from listening to other peoples stories.

He and I ended up with an unspoken agreement of sorts; My door was always open for when he needed it, and he could message me whenever he wanted a distraction to muse about thoughts and ideas we both enjoyed, vorish or otherwise, and we'd leave all the bothersome stuff outside.

It felt good to give back to someone like him, who always seemed to give so much of himself to the world.
He was never one to ask of anything, but I think he greatly enjoyed getting unprompted gifts. In the end I wish I had given him much much more.

I made a mistake: I slipped! I believed I had more time.
I had taken his presence for granted. And now he is gone.


I've grieved. Now its time for "Lessons learned." and filling the hole he left behind.

Not only do I need to reinforce what I initially forgot, but I also have a lot to learn and improve on from my time with Forest.
I need to get out of my cage.

First, is that I would have never gotten to know this wonderful person if he had not reached out to me. It would never have occurred to me to dare to bother someone like him.

Who knows how many great people I've missed out on. How many great Friendships? All because I never tried or dared say hello.
I've seen a lot of people around over the years I've thought it'd be neat to talk to. I'm going to reach out more.

Second. The kind of sunshine of positivity Forest spread around himself and the community he fostered was on a whole other level.

I can never match him, I'm not built that way. But if I want to be a fraction of that kind of positive force that can be there for others I need to try to be out there more. I might be reiterating the first point some, but I need to dare to be heard rather then just sit here like a warm rock you 'might' happen upon.
I need to take part and speak up more.

Lastly.
I've been afraid of uploading too much, because it felt like I was advertising myself. And that was bad?
But its okay to be a little selfish and express yourself and what you like.

I want to share more of my characters. Show off the many gifts and commissions I've gotten over the years.
I want to be seen more.



Still here? Well, if you want to reach out and talk sometime. Hit me up!
I'm trying to improve.