when does feeling depressed let up?

i'm always reading these things like "oh fix your sleep schedule, eat healthier, exercise more"--yeah, uh, i have for years

kinda low-key hate talking about it cos i've been corrected so many times with "you're not depressed, you just don't know how to turn your brain off;" and while i feel that's right, i don't know what else to call it

"find a therapist"--do you do standup?? cos there ain't no more therapists where i live. i just wanna work, i want to entertain with my art, but this past month has been, the worst it's been

even in my lowest, i got relatives coming over taking some car i bought like oh sure my pa just died, here have a free frontier, and they stop talking to me after like they got their usage outta me. i guess i'm used to betrayal and being let down?? kinda my fault for that

idk, this feels physically painful, this depressed feeling, like it's disgustingly tangible if that makes sense. working out is harder, renovating the home is harder, living is harder, y'know??

and i know, getting away from toxic people, where it's been almost exclusively a 70/30 ratio of negativity to positivity, would be the best course of action; but??? i guess it's because of my autism?? that i don't think i'd be sane if i did move away with what money i had--like, change has a DRASTIC fucking affect on me, and there's been too many life-altering occurrences this past year,

i'm scared it's done something to me, all the problems?? i wish i could cope better like some people appear to make it seem

thanks for letting me vent, i hope y'all are managing, cos it's hard out there