"You Still Buy" by BlitzWolf69
~Parody of "Still Alive" from Portal

Look at our Triumphs.
And what of our Seals? Now that's content.
It's hard to ever make
The game feel balanced.

Bungie or 'Vision?
Can you even tell
the difference?

For the good of all players,
Except the ones who have left.

Now we hear you screaming about all our mistakes.
We just keep on patching beyond what you can take.
And the nerfing gets done, now you hate that neat gun.
But you people, we know, will still buy!

You say that you're angry.
We swear we hear, you all, right now.
So we're taking out, again,
Telesto.

And improving drop rates
On all the exotics left in Raids.
Now they'll shoot up by a whole
One percent every week.

Now, we test our data.
What a beautiful lie.
It's just like the beta
Only price is too high.
It's your wallets we burn
Yet you never seem to learn.
And you people, we know, will
Still buy.

Go on and leave us.
We're sure that you won't return again.
Maybe you'll find other games to play, too.
What about "Anthem?"
That was a joke. Ha ha.
Fat chance.

Anyway Tess has new stock,
So many emotes! Your choice.

Look at us still selling
Every update to you.
When we look online
No criticism to view.
Get a shader for your gun
Buy more styles! Now that's fun.
'Cause you people, we know, will
Still buy.

While we are laughing, we know, you
Still buy.

Though we aren't changing, we know, you
Still buy.

Content gets vaulted, we know, you
Still buy.

And while we don't care, we know, you
Still buy.

Re-skinned nostalgia, we know, you
Still buy.

You still buy.

Yes, you buy.