Hey guys I'm making this journal because it seems that its not clear why I stopped selling ychs and shadded commissions.
If you do not like drama or stuff about people getting sick, you can just quit this journal because.

The thing is, I still suffering with sciatica pain.
I took medicine by a while, this is not working for me anymore, after a time it was making it worse.
I can not stay much time in the same position, at being I was not able to stay sit for 5 minutes, the pain was intense enought to make me get up and get pale.
Even to go to the bathroom it was a pain, literally, to be honest it was like a nightmare for me. Because even with medicine, it does not ceased the pain, it just decreased in half.
I'm doing physiotherapy exercises, and this helped slowly, some tea also help.
The medicine there for this kind of illness is not really great... and its very expensive to treat it.
So with the money I make there I can't do much to help it. And even if I had, any hospital on the region is too far for me to walk.
This is not considerated as a emergency so they will not send ambulance for someone that has not a risk of life.
Unless I was being unable to hold on pee or poop..so this mean that I would go to a emergential surgery, what is not my situation.

The only reason that I was capable to keep drawing, was that I asked my boyfriend to bring my computer (Desktop) to near to my bed.
So I would draw in while laying down on the bed.. this kinda make things get worse by itself because I should not stay much time on the same position.
Besides, laying on the bed would be bad for the legs and back muscles, so drawing in while you are laying in your stomach is not very fast neither...
So I needed to decide or I work on old art or I work for the income.. I tried to keep up both and I noticed that none of theses was getting done.
Then initialy I was working on just adopts because it was faster. But then I noticed that I needed to go on hiatus for shadded art because it take too long for me.

I'll not say much about how I feel because just for being writing that there I start feeling bad again.
Some dr I tried to contact told me to quit art because sciatica is nothing really that get totally cured, and that because I'll stay too much time not moving the lower body it may start to get sciatica crisis again.
Stress literally makes things get worse, and anxiety does not help much neither. Cold give me cramps too, so the pain makes me do anything slower too.
I'm really happy that my boyfriend helped me a lot in this situation.

I tried to study about this and did some tests on other issues. And I noticed its not exactly Sciatica. The issue was not exactly on my back but on Illium.
The ligaments that hold the Illium got damaged - my lefts leg bones to my sacral bone - So my legs get off the place, it tilts a bit.
So what I got was false sciatica... pain from the sacrum to the toes of my feet.. it is not common, and I was unable to take x-ray or any other presential exam.
The bone going a bit off it place was stretching too much the muscles of the glutes and the sciatica nerve... so this is because I can't move properly and the reason of all my pain and uncontroled spams.
Unfortunately after taking the wrong medicine and doing the wrong exercises, I noticed that just in May...
So now I'm doing the right exercises and moving more. The pain decreased very much, and eating food high in magnesium frequently on the week helped a lot.

This month I started to sit and stay longer than 5 minutes. I almost got problems on the muscles of my back and leg. So I needed to move more and eat better.
I was almost not eating or drinking water well because even that I needed to do laying on my stomach. But after eating more food with magnesium and hiding my leg of the cold wind things started to improve.
This month (June) I asked for my boyfriend to move my computer back to the desk, because staying on the bed was making me feel weak.
So I'm posting more, but still can't stay long on the same position. I almost do not feel pain, only when I stay sit for too long, it really makes things worse.
But I try to not stay much on the chair and walk, not much secure to get out home yet so I walk inside.. I just to off with my boyfriend to walk a bit and stay under the sun when its not windy.
So I... I can say that I'm getting better, I'm taking only on flat artwork, not shadded yet. Because the max time I can stay on chair is 1 hour. So I need to walk or go to bed for at least 1 hours or more.
In could days I can't do much... I basically lay down and keep filling a hot water bag to keep the muscles more relaxed.
I'm eating food that helps to heal ligaments, people said that pinaple is good for the nerves too. Things are improving but I can't rush it.
I'm really happy that things are finally starting to show up that I'm doing the right thing.

Thank you very much for the support and for the help.
I know that thing may do not be the same as before, but I'll not quit art just because people already give up on me.
Even if I need to make things in a different way and I need to adapt I'll will not give up on my way of live because other do not believe.
I got away from social media and from people because I needed to heal emotionally too.
I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back to work on illustrations or ychs. But when I'm able again, I'll gladly warn up.
Thank you for reading it all and for the attention.
Hope you guys are going well.